An Interview

Last week Lime decided to take the challenge and do an interview from a fellow blogger. She also offered to send out interview questions to any that asked. Well here is my interview.

Thank you Lime.


1. You've won a photography contract with National Geographic, however the economic crunch has hit them and they can only afford to give you a camera phone. where will you go to shoot and how will you manage?

Ah but you look at this as a restriction, I just see an advantage. I will make my first trip to Tokyo Disneyland. Besides all the bright vibrant colors that will be there, the Japanese people also tend to be a little shorter. This will make the camera pictures seem even more spectacular. And if that is not enough, being a big producer of cell phones, no one will even know I am from National Geographic which means I will get some great candid. Then it is off to Mt Fuji to document the latest climb to the summit in search of Godzilla who is rumored to be living in the inactive volcano on top of Fuji. To be safe however we will pick up several Godzilla models and keep them in the backpack just in case the rumor are not true. I will take them out and use my trusty camera phone to simulate Godzilla being there. This should be good for two or three assignments easy. From there we will see where my cell phone guides me.

2. More time or more money and why?

Since time is going by faster and faster it seems rather pointless to have more time. With more money I could purchase an Island and become Lord ruler supreme. At that time I would ban all things that keep track of time thus accomplishing both more time and more money.

3. An evil mastermind is going to destroy the world unless you can stop him. You are armed with a spoon, a rubber chicken, a can of aquanet, and a bucket of peanuts. What is your plan?

It turns out that in one of Dr. Doofenshmirtz past professions we a stand up comic. I found this out about a year ago when, as fate would have it I bumped into Dr D bellied up to the bar. He was about to leave but I thought it would be a shame not to see what his story was so I slipped the waitress a fin to set a bucket of peanuts next to where I was sitting. Dr D could not help himself as he reached in an picked up a few peanuts. That lead to a few more peanuts and I capitalized on the moment and bought him a drink. It was a wild night but I found out enough to know Dr D was an inept evil wana-be.

When I realize the evil mastermind who was plotting to destroy the world was indeed Dr D I just knew I needed to be the one to do something. I planned on appealing to his vanity.

I gathered my McGuiver kit including a rubber chicken, a can of aquanet, and a spoon. It was a long shot but this just had to work.

I proceeded to the Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated lair only to find a locked door. Luckily the handle of the spoon I had was easily fashioned into a pick and I was soon inside the lair. The next part was going to be the tricky part. I planted the rubber chicken on a table in the middle of the dinning room and waited in the shadows for him to take the bait. How could a standup comedian pass this up?

An hour or two went by and I must have nodded off a few times. At long last as the sun was setting, Dr D came into the dinning room and spotted the rubber chicken. He was very curious and could not help himself. He walked over to the rubber chicken and started to do some of his old stand up routines right then and there. He was so mesmerized by that chicken that when I snuck up on him and sprayed his hair with the can of aquanet he had no idea I was doing it, that is no idea until I started to smooth down his cowlick. He quickly put down the chicken and spun to see what was happening. It was at this point that I handed him the spoon so he could see his reflection in the spoon. He was in a trance and my plan had worked. The world was saved for now.

4. What's the best job you had?

Lets see. I once helped put up a carnival tent. Lucky me, I got to hold the stakes while the strong men were swinging away at it. Another time I got to ride a hoist across the a plant cleaning florescent lights. Wait, I know. I once had the job of oiling the contestants at an oil wrestling contest. That counts, doesn’t it?

5. You are in charge of the National Cornhole Championships (that game with tossing the beanbags, not porn you pervs....) Where is it held? will it be round robin or single elimination? What are the prizes? Who are the sponsors?

While I was originally tempted to hold the Championships in Iowa because they are the largest producer of corn, I decided to pass this up for something much more interesting. In a rather strange twist of fate it was determined to hold the NCC in Key West, Florida during Fantasy Fest. It turns out that artists who paint all the lovely ladies in such amazing costumes that they look like they are wearing clothing had an idea. They decided what they were going to do was paint up the cornhole boards to look like the most popular models they have painted in the past few years.

The custom boards are destined to make the NCC more popular than it ever has been. It will also sell of lot of custom boards that, hello, the artists have produced. They would then more than make up for the fees to become the co-sponsor of the event. The other sponsor is Old Milwaukee Beer. For the occasion they have decided to revive their old add campaign the Swedish Bikini Team.

While we started the contest as a round robin tournament and progressed to a flighted round robin tournament it was just to much work to schedule so now it is sudden death, single elimination baby. The first team registered will play the last team and so on. We will then hold round 2 and so on doing the same thing until we have the last 4 remaining teams. Everyone will win a prize. First place will win a keg of Old Milwaukee beer, a custom cornhole set, and an all expense paid trip to Sweden accompanied by the Swedish Bikini team. The second place team will get a case of Old Milwaukee beer and custom cornhole bags. The third place gets a 12 pack of beet. The fourth place team, well there are only three prizes. Better luck next year guys.