| Welcome to my Jungle |
No I am not trying to cut in on Jungle Jane's territory. She does so good I would not even dream of it. This is a continuation of the prior post. The jungle is my out of control lawn.
I was out for the Holiday and did not return until after dark on Monday. I knew something was wrong . I could not see the house. I barely saw the drive way to turn in. As I did enter the driveway my headlights caught something tall. Something much taller than I have ever seen at my house. What on earth was it? Where did it come from? What was with all the trees?
Well com morning I discovered what had happened. The lawn had grown and I don't just mean an inch or two. Now I had a jungle, mater of fact a tropical rain forest I believe. What was I going to do?
Well before heading into work I made a stop past my local University Extension office. Once I explained what had happened and they stopped laughing long enough they went around back and came out with ... four GOATS! They told me to stake them down, give them a little chain and let them go.
I made a bee line for home, staked out the goats in the front yard and made my way into work.
It was an odd day. Work was a little busy but not to bad. It was a hot day out, in the low 90s but I was indoors. Of course not for long. I could not concentrate on work as my mind kept wandering to the task at hand, getting my lawn back under control.
Tick, tick, tick... the day dragged on. The only fun was using a tool to fix a problem that my bosses boss caused. The new tool was fool proof and very fast. What would have taken me 20 to 30 minutes took about 4 minutes only because I backed up everything to be safe.
Well 4:30 finally arrived and I left a half hour early since this is my early week. It was amazing. The goats did a pretty good job. I was able actually able to get started clearing the lawn but there was a problem. The poor goats all had terrible tummy aches. I decided to return the goats.
Once I arrived at the extension office I noticed no one was guarding the back room and I snuck up, opened the door and carried the goats in one at a time. I just know I am going to get a big vet bill once they figure out who brought the goats in.
Well back at the house I went into the garage and emerged with a machete. Not just any machete but a stainless steel, always sharp, wide bladed one with an extra long shaft to allow for a full swing. Ah but first I forgot a few things. I went into the house, got changed into some shorts, a nice loose fit grey t-shirt and put on the kicking boots so I could manage the jungle. I also started the safe house. The what?
I said the safe house. It was hot out there and I sweat easy. I decided to set up several lines of defense. The first one was to dress properly. I also elected to ware a nice floppy straw hat. It turns out the straw hat was OK for now but I need to replace it. The second line of defense was to take periodic breaks an on those breaks consume lots of liquids. Now I started out filling my liter size insulated mug with pink lemonade so I could empty out the gallon jug. Once rinced out I filled that with ice and water and placed both on the porch. I also added a towel to dry off. Sorry to admit it but I SWEAT. Now my finally line of defense is the safe house. Huh? The safe house is nothing more than starting the air conditioner in my bedroom to make sure if I over heated I had a place to cool off in.
I must have looked a sight, kind of like a lacrosse player. I headed over to where the goats had been and grabbed the machete with both hands. I took the long back swing and, much like Bill Murray on Caddy Shack, I took my first swing at the lawn. Amazingly a small tuft of grass fell to the ground. When it hit it was almost deafening.
I took another swing and another and still another. Before long I had a good 10 by 10 square of lawn done. It was time for a break. Then it dawned on me. I only did a little over 1 percent of my lawn. So I put of the break and kept at it.
Whack
I did this for what seemed like forever and cleared the front lawn. A quick break, mop up the brow, drink the fluids and I was at it again.
Whack
A few breaks late I was at last done with the first pass. I still had man eating weeds (no I did not say M-E) to deal with at a later time. I also had tons of grass laying on the grass and a very un even job at that so I got out the mower.
Now my mower needs a new primer. I have to prime for about 30 minutes to get it started. I looked into replacing it and but it would cost $75 to replace the carburetor so maybe some day. Anyway I primed it for 60 pumps and tried to start it.
PULL
PULL
PULL
Nothing
Prime, prime, prime,
PULL
PULL
PULL
And we got a sputter. I yanked it a few more times and it coughed. A few more primes, a few more yanks and the mower STARTED! Yea.
I put on the grass catcher and preceded to go 10 feet before the bad filled up and I had to empty it. The 10 more feet and so on and so on until finally I had the front yard down. Time for another break. But first I did notice something had changed. The sun had disappeared and the temperature had dropped at least 5 degrees.
I got to the porch and doffed the straw hat. By now the towel was soaked and the gallon jug was half empty ( I like to drink a lot even if it is just ice water). After a quick break it was time to move on to the side yard and then the other side yard. All the time I kept praying I would at least be able to get half the lawn done before ... THE MONSOON HIT.
Well surprise, surprise, surprise (say the prior the way Gomer Pyle did on Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C.) I managed to finish the entire lawn. Well by now there was thunder and lightening all around. I could not believe it. There was no way I was doing the trimming, besides it probably would take at least 30 minutes and it was going to rain any minute. I managed to get the mower put away before the monsoon hit.
Just when I thought job well done it hit me, I left the machete in the flower beds. I headed ont and at the exact moment I saw a flash and heard a loud clap and the heavens opened up and just dumped buckets of water all over me. I swear it was following me. I would move toward the tool and it rained harder, I moved back toward the garage and it slowed. Back toward the tool and it poured, back toward the garage and ... well you get the point. I made a wild dash for the tool slipping several times and dashed back to the garage to safety.
Well I closed the garage and headed into the house. I pealed off the clothes and tossed them down the stairs and headed up stairs to take a shower. Did I mention I live alone?
After the shower I got dressed and just vegged out for a little while before doing something about dinner and calling it an early night. But, but after all this the grass returned back to more or less normal, the trimming still needed to be done and the man eater weeds needed to be pulled but it looked good again.
Never again. NEVER AGAIN!
Oh and by the way, I may have just exaggerate just a little bit.
Every month at the quarter moon, there'll be a monsoon, in your lagoon. --Jamanji
I was out for the Holiday and did not return until after dark on Monday. I knew something was wrong . I could not see the house. I barely saw the drive way to turn in. As I did enter the driveway my headlights caught something tall. Something much taller than I have ever seen at my house. What on earth was it? Where did it come from? What was with all the trees?
Well com morning I discovered what had happened. The lawn had grown and I don't just mean an inch or two. Now I had a jungle, mater of fact a tropical rain forest I believe. What was I going to do?
Well before heading into work I made a stop past my local University Extension office. Once I explained what had happened and they stopped laughing long enough they went around back and came out with ... four GOATS! They told me to stake them down, give them a little chain and let them go.
I made a bee line for home, staked out the goats in the front yard and made my way into work.
It was an odd day. Work was a little busy but not to bad. It was a hot day out, in the low 90s but I was indoors. Of course not for long. I could not concentrate on work as my mind kept wandering to the task at hand, getting my lawn back under control.
Tick, tick, tick... the day dragged on. The only fun was using a tool to fix a problem that my bosses boss caused. The new tool was fool proof and very fast. What would have taken me 20 to 30 minutes took about 4 minutes only because I backed up everything to be safe.
Well 4:30 finally arrived and I left a half hour early since this is my early week. It was amazing. The goats did a pretty good job. I was able actually able to get started clearing the lawn but there was a problem. The poor goats all had terrible tummy aches. I decided to return the goats.
Once I arrived at the extension office I noticed no one was guarding the back room and I snuck up, opened the door and carried the goats in one at a time. I just know I am going to get a big vet bill once they figure out who brought the goats in.
Well back at the house I went into the garage and emerged with a machete. Not just any machete but a stainless steel, always sharp, wide bladed one with an extra long shaft to allow for a full swing. Ah but first I forgot a few things. I went into the house, got changed into some shorts, a nice loose fit grey t-shirt and put on the kicking boots so I could manage the jungle. I also started the safe house. The what?
I said the safe house. It was hot out there and I sweat easy. I decided to set up several lines of defense. The first one was to dress properly. I also elected to ware a nice floppy straw hat. It turns out the straw hat was OK for now but I need to replace it. The second line of defense was to take periodic breaks an on those breaks consume lots of liquids. Now I started out filling my liter size insulated mug with pink lemonade so I could empty out the gallon jug. Once rinced out I filled that with ice and water and placed both on the porch. I also added a towel to dry off. Sorry to admit it but I SWEAT. Now my finally line of defense is the safe house. Huh? The safe house is nothing more than starting the air conditioner in my bedroom to make sure if I over heated I had a place to cool off in.
I must have looked a sight, kind of like a lacrosse player. I headed over to where the goats had been and grabbed the machete with both hands. I took the long back swing and, much like Bill Murray on Caddy Shack, I took my first swing at the lawn. Amazingly a small tuft of grass fell to the ground. When it hit it was almost deafening.
I took another swing and another and still another. Before long I had a good 10 by 10 square of lawn done. It was time for a break. Then it dawned on me. I only did a little over 1 percent of my lawn. So I put of the break and kept at it.
Whack
Whack
Whack
I did this for what seemed like forever and cleared the front lawn. A quick break, mop up the brow, drink the fluids and I was at it again.
Whack
Whack
Whack
A few breaks late I was at last done with the first pass. I still had man eating weeds (no I did not say M-E) to deal with at a later time. I also had tons of grass laying on the grass and a very un even job at that so I got out the mower.
Now my mower needs a new primer. I have to prime for about 30 minutes to get it started. I looked into replacing it and but it would cost $75 to replace the carburetor so maybe some day. Anyway I primed it for 60 pumps and tried to start it.
PULL
PULL
PULL
Nothing
Prime, prime, prime,
PULL
PULL
PULL
And we got a sputter. I yanked it a few more times and it coughed. A few more primes, a few more yanks and the mower STARTED! Yea.
I put on the grass catcher and preceded to go 10 feet before the bad filled up and I had to empty it. The 10 more feet and so on and so on until finally I had the front yard down. Time for another break. But first I did notice something had changed. The sun had disappeared and the temperature had dropped at least 5 degrees.
I got to the porch and doffed the straw hat. By now the towel was soaked and the gallon jug was half empty ( I like to drink a lot even if it is just ice water). After a quick break it was time to move on to the side yard and then the other side yard. All the time I kept praying I would at least be able to get half the lawn done before ... THE MONSOON HIT.
Well surprise, surprise, surprise (say the prior the way Gomer Pyle did on Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C.) I managed to finish the entire lawn. Well by now there was thunder and lightening all around. I could not believe it. There was no way I was doing the trimming, besides it probably would take at least 30 minutes and it was going to rain any minute. I managed to get the mower put away before the monsoon hit.
Just when I thought job well done it hit me, I left the machete in the flower beds. I headed ont and at the exact moment I saw a flash and heard a loud clap and the heavens opened up and just dumped buckets of water all over me. I swear it was following me. I would move toward the tool and it rained harder, I moved back toward the garage and it slowed. Back toward the tool and it poured, back toward the garage and ... well you get the point. I made a wild dash for the tool slipping several times and dashed back to the garage to safety.
Well I closed the garage and headed into the house. I pealed off the clothes and tossed them down the stairs and headed up stairs to take a shower. Did I mention I live alone?
After the shower I got dressed and just vegged out for a little while before doing something about dinner and calling it an early night. But, but after all this the grass returned back to more or less normal, the trimming still needed to be done and the man eater weeds needed to be pulled but it looked good again.
Never again. NEVER AGAIN!
Oh and by the way, I may have just exaggerate just a little bit.
Every month at the quarter moon, there'll be a monsoon, in your lagoon. --Jamanji
Posted by barman at 8:25 PM::
I know. It is what happens when you live way up North like I do. Maybe I should consider Arizona with all those catisusususi.
Hire some one to do your lawn.
Hire some one to do everything. That's my motto.
Hellooo!
Hey Barman...thanks for stopping by and for the nice complement on my photo.
As for your post here...lol..nice exaggeration, made for a good read. I'm with Denny's comment too...I'd move...lol
Hi M-E, I did finally go visit your site now that your "date" is over.
bbsgirl, I thought that picture was lovely and you have me convinced. I am going to join in. Maybe this week with mirror, maybe next week when I have more time but I love the idea.
OK, th e consencus is growing grass stuff is bad and I either hire it out or get out of dodge. Maybe I need to plan on a condo in my future but for now it is not to bad as long as I keep up with it.
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