| Crisis in the Making |
You know, you think you have a nice normal family. No problems here, every one else has problems. Now I find out I am smack dab in the middle of a family crisis and I am not sure how I am going to make a difference.
I don’t want to talk to much about it but on the one hand there is my Mom and Dad that feel no one cares about them. No one ever visits. No one ever calls. On the other hand you have every ones busy life with lots going on. My Mom is ready to disown my Brother and my Sister. Somehow I am doing OK but I hate this.
I will try and fix things up but for how long? I guess I can start with myself and call more often and visit more often. But it feels so hopeless like the family just does not exist any more.
I know this is mild compared to what some of you have went through. Heck probably most people have had to deal with much worse but I just have this feeling of being trapped in the middle and not knowing what to do.
Well sorry for being so uncharacteristic with this post. Everything just feels so hopeless at the moment.
I don’t want to talk to much about it but on the one hand there is my Mom and Dad that feel no one cares about them. No one ever visits. No one ever calls. On the other hand you have every ones busy life with lots going on. My Mom is ready to disown my Brother and my Sister. Somehow I am doing OK but I hate this.
I will try and fix things up but for how long? I guess I can start with myself and call more often and visit more often. But it feels so hopeless like the family just does not exist any more.
I know this is mild compared to what some of you have went through. Heck probably most people have had to deal with much worse but I just have this feeling of being trapped in the middle and not knowing what to do.
Well sorry for being so uncharacteristic with this post. Everything just feels so hopeless at the moment.
Posted by barman at 8:16 AM::
Oh I know excatlly what your going through. Been there done that and actually still doing it. Only with just my dad. My mom was the one who kept our family together. It was such a shock when she passed before dad did. She was 14 1/2 years younger than dad so we always thought he'd be the first to go. Dont get me wrong but some times I wish he had gone first! Dad now has alheimers and dont rememeber me most of the time but does my youngest sister. And dont get me started on my older siblings.wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh
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That's too bad that they are feeling that way. It seems to me that you always seem to make the effort to visit them. Feelings are tough because we never know why people are "feeling" them.
You are a good son. Don't let them drag you into your sibling's problems.
Memories....light the corner of my mind.
Just do your part sweetie. You can not make up for what other's are doing.
We had the same type of thing with our mom, aunt's, and uncle's. Who called who last, which house was visited..and so on.
I am so happy it's not like that with Crab, Squirrel, and I. We all seem to understand busy and never mistake it for lack of love.
Squirrel and I spend a lot of time together. Thank God Crab doesn't get all bent over it. Crab has a great life and Squirrel and I know we are a big part of it even when we don't get to see her as often as each other.
Crab and I have this great phone system. Neither of us like the phone much so when we are tired of talking one will tell the other "I'm done now" We just hang up after that. No hard feelings.
I will suggest you make all the time possible for your folks. Validate their feelings, but DO NOT buy into the guilt. You are one man sweetie. Just one man.
So my comment is longer then your post. Sorry.
Yes Denny, people hate answering machine especially when it is being used to screen. My parents usually answer the phone and do not screen other than to make sure it is anot a telamarketer. Thank goodness.
Jenn, I think I almost have no choice but if I get more involved it will be a disaster I am sure.
Are you kidding... Thank you very much Manny.
Chrissie, I do not know about my brother. I will talk to him this week yet. My Sister says one thing and my Mom says something else. I know the complaint Mom has about her is the same complaint her husband has so I tend to side more that way but I will talk to her to. I just needed a night off.
Bryan, if you start to visit more often it will only serve to highlight that your brother and sister aren't visiting.
Could you not try speaking to them and pointing out that your parents feel this way. It would probably be easier than you trying to make up for their lack of visits and help you to feel that you are doing something to remedy the situation.
Sending big *hugs*, I hope this is resolved soon.
Family problems always seem so hopeless to figure out.
I would talk to brother and sister, don't attack them but just have a pleasant talk about mom and dad......
maybe that will help
Thank You Suze, I had never thought about being around more actually causing problems. It really does make sense. Thanks Suze.
Good advice Kristen. The main thing I need to do is just talk and not accuse or anything. That would make things worse and that is what I am worried about.
Thanks everyone for you comments. You are awesome.
That happened to my family too. No one ever stays in touch anymore. I am not good at calling my mom or step mom very often, but I do manage to call once in a while. On the other hand, my brother never calls and it hurts them and he knows it. I've spoken to him over the years, but it doesn't do any good, so don't expect your trying to do any good either. If it does, great, but don't be disappointed if it doesn't.
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