Lets Lighten Things up a Little...

BEER, FISHING, SEX &GOLF:

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex."




Why I Fired My Secretary...


Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very much like waking up that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!" and possibly have a present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday."

I Thought... well, that's marriage for you, but the kids will remember. My kids came to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office I was feeling pretty low and somewhat disappointed.

As I walked into my office my secretary Donna said, "Good Morning, Boss, Happy Birthday!" It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock and then Donna knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go out to lunch, just you and me."

I said, "Thanks Donna, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. We went to lunch, but we didn't go where we normally would go. We dined instead at a little place with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Donna said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"

I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"

She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment Donna turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I'll be right back."

"Ok." I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and after a couple of minutes she came out carrying a huge birthday cake...followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers; all singing "Happy Birthday."

And I just sat there...


On the couch...


Naked.


While I admit the universe does have a sense of humor, I doubt very much this is a joke. --Andromeda