Bryan's Little Corner

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Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Some Humor in Rainbow Order (waves to Lime)

6 reasons not to mess with children.


A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large
mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.


The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him ".





A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."


The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."





A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."




The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'


A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."




The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies

A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.



and totally unrelated...


A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but..... Something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck, and we were unable to find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming to you, and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $1000 an inch."The man perks up at this. "So," the doctor says, "it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision." The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day.

"So," says the doctor, "have you spoken with your wife?"

"I have," says the man.

"And has she helped you in making the decision?"

"She has," says the man.

"And what is it?" asks the doctor.

"We're getting a new kitchen."



This was fun for me. I went shopping for ingredients for the yummy sammich that Lime shared with us today. One of the places I visited had like thousands and thousands lots of different wines. I just had to share one of the bottles I found. I took a picture of the wine bottle but silly me forgot to save it so I had to find this picture off the Internet.


15 Comments:
Blogger Manny said...

These are too funny. LOL Thanks, I needed to laugh.

February 19, 2008 6:22 PM  
Blogger Manny said...

What's with all the fancy comment icons? Sign has them too. you know, the ones right below?

February 19, 2008 6:23 PM  
Blogger barman said...

Oh Manny, anytime! Glad to see you around again.

Those fancy comment icons are a new option (at least I think it is new) that allows people to leave comments not only if they are using blogger but also if they are use WordPress or all those other blogging applications. Since I do not allow anonymous comments this just makes it so people do not need to register on blogger just to leave a comment.

February 19, 2008 7:25 PM  
Blogger GAB said...

So she'd rather have a new kitchen than have sex ever again? Something is wrong there lol. Those were good

February 19, 2008 8:07 PM  
Blogger barman said...

GAB, maybe she is getting a little something on the side so she opted for the kitchen. I thought they were rather fun myself. Glad to see you around.

February 19, 2008 8:15 PM  
Blogger Cha Cha said...

The dickless man should be taking a thousand dollars and going for a quickie divorce...

... and then go for an 8-incher.

I have seen this bottle of wine before. So cute.

I love visiting stores with thousands and thousands of bottles of wine. Actually, we only have one here in Chicago that I know of and it's grand and all of the men that work there are HOT and will spend time with you telling you all about the wines and letting you taste some of them. That store is GREAT. Of course they have other things too, but wine is their main thing. They sell liquor and gourmet foods too.

Have an awesome day, Barman.

Stay warm!! xoxo

Oh, I SO want to see Juno.

I am jealous.

I think I will go soon.

I need to look into adding these symbols down here to my own blog if I can figure it out cos I stopped allowing anonymous comments when I was having a problem with some goofball. Unless I just start allowing them again, cos that goofball went away.

February 20, 2008 8:20 AM  
Blogger barman said...

Good solution Strumpet. You are so good with math. I would say that this place easily had at least 1000 unique bottles of wine. I was most impressed. It is a farm market but it also has always carried a pretty interesting collection of specialty beer. Now it carries less of the beer but a whole lot more wine then before. Who would not love a farm market like this?

February 20, 2008 8:48 AM  
Blogger barman said...

Turning on the goffy symbols

If you get to the dashboard and bring up settings you are half way there to turning on those symbols. From there click on the Comments tab. You will then see, amoung other options, Who Can Comment?. Just click the, I am assuming, fairly new radio button that say Registered Users - includes OpenID. Then click Save Settings. Piece of cake.

February 20, 2008 8:51 AM  
Blogger lime said...

i truly appreciate that you used the right order of colors. i can sleep well tonite. oddly, each of the kid related jokes i could totally see my oldest kid actually saying those things.

February 21, 2008 9:01 AM  
Blogger Queenie said...

They were so funny, everyone in the room kept turning around to see what was wrong with me (in-laws here watching some rubbish program on my T.V), as I screeched out with belly- giggles.

February 21, 2008 11:26 AM  
Blogger barman said...

Lime, I like it in the proper order too just not to the same extent. When I saw it was out of order I knew what I had to do. Your oldest is a smart one. As long as it does not get her in trouble, more power to her.

Queebie, glad you enjoyed. Obviously you had the better time. T.V. is over rated.

February 21, 2008 1:23 PM  
Blogger Little Wing said...

Great jokes Bryan, I loved them also!
I agree the man without the penis needs a divorce fast!!!!!!!!
Stay warm Bryan!
Oh the wine bottle was so cool!!!!! Never seen it before!!!

February 21, 2008 4:40 PM  
Blogger barman said...

Little Wing, I am sure the bottle of wine is not one of those mighty fine CA wines but you know, I might not mind having a bottle on hand just for a conversation starter. I will spend part of my weekend in a gym watching a grade school basketball tourney. I think I will be all warm and toasty... if only my sit upon can take all the bleacher time. I hope you have a wonderful time too. Don't work to hard.

February 21, 2008 7:34 PM  
Blogger SIMPLY ME said...

very funny Bryan, thanks for a good laugh. the wine and sandwich look good too. Haven't been around much, seems all i do is work and sleep....have a great weekend.

February 21, 2008 10:23 PM  
Blogger barman said...

Hi Lori, I kind of know the feeling. I have no idea where the time flies. I am so tempted to get that wine just for show. I know there are other interesting names I could add to it. Thanks for stopping by. Sounds like good weather for us for the weekend. I hope you guys get to share in the nice weather. Enjoy that weekend.

Rebicmel, sorry I was late with my Flash this week. I am afraid I ended up on the phone and did not get it posted last night. i hope you have fun too. It's the weekend ... time to ParT.

February 22, 2008 7:56 AM  

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