Smile

The Irish Virgin


In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it!

Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town's undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper "final" arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone:


"BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN"


Not long after, the old maid died peacefully. A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker--postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen. He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone.

For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem. The Virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it read as follows:

(are you ready)



(bet you can't guess)


(her tombstone reads:)


"RETURNED UNOPENED"


I will be most busy this weekend. I may post something for Photohunt but other than that I will not be around. I would like to take the time now to wish everyone a very nice weekend. Oh and happy April Fools to those of you that are so inclined. P.S. Had to bring back the original do also. Take care.


Strangely, I feel like staying at home... and doing my homework... and flossing... and dying a virgin. --Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Cold is Cold

After yesterday's post, time for something much more lightly hearted. Let me explain something first. Here in Michigan we have an Upper Peninsula and a Lower Peninsula. The people that live up in Gods Country are referred to as Yoppers. The rest of us that live below the bridge to the UP are called trolls. The temperatures in the UP are much colder then the LP and they get a lot more snow. With that…



60 above zero (16 C)

Arizonians turn on the heat.
People in the U.P. plant gardens.

50 above zero (10 C):
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Munising sunbathe.

40 above zero (4 C):
Italian & English cars won't start.
Yoopers drive with the windows down.

32 above zero (0 C):
Distilled water freezes.
The water in Marquette gets thicker.

20 above zero (-7 C):
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear,
gloves, wool hats. Yoopers throw on a flannel shirt.

15 above zero (-9 C):
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
Yoopers have the last cookout before
it gets cold.

0 (-18 C)
People in Miami all die.
Yoopers close the windows.

10 below zero (-23 C):
Californians fly away to Mexico.
Yoopers get out their winter coats.

25 below zero (-32 C):
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in the U.P. are selling cookies door to door.

40 below zero (-40 C):
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
Yoopers let the dogs sleep indoors.

100 below zero (-73 C):
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Yoopers get upset because they can't start the pickup.

460 below zero (-273 C):
ALL atomic motion stops
(absolute zero on the Kelvin scale.)
Yoopers start saying..."Cold 'nuff fer ya?"

500 below zero (-296 C):
Hell freezes over.
Public schools in the U.P. will open 2 hours late.

Note: Celsius added for Canadian and other visitors that do not use Fahrenheit

My Chevy shook a shit! --Escanaba in da Moonlight

A Child's View on Politics.....

With the couple of email comments over the weekend of me becoming Governor, a post I am not so sure of might I add, I thought this was appropriate...


A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What are Politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

#1. I'm the head of the family, so call me The President.
#2. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
#3. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People.
#4. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class.
#5. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future.

"Now, think about that and see if it makes sense."

So, the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So, the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, He looks in the peephole and finds his father in bed with the Nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class, while the Government is
sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh!t."


No, it's not smart. It's politics. --Battlestar Galactica